


Personal Poetry Collection

by TheBrittBratt



Category: Idk my brain ig
Genre: Birthdays, Crushes, Love Confessions, Other, Poetry, mentions of abuse, not yet tho, poetry collection, um
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-01-17 21:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12374268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBrittBratt/pseuds/TheBrittBratt
Summary: A collection of my writing so far.





	1. I thought of you today.

**Author's Note:**

> I have late night doodles and freelance writing stockpiling up on my phone, I figured posting them could help save space! And in some way, I hope my words inspire you! Anything that is depressing/triggering will have warnings and be tagged accordingly, though mostly I write feel-good things. Love you all, and thank you for the amazing support! <3

I thought of you today.  
I thought of the time I banged on the door, forehead beaded with sweat and there you were, door swinging and a look that said "I've never seen you before." 

I thought of how you aren't comfortable with me. I wish I could say "it's okay!" Because gosh, I'm not going to prod. I know how to take 'no', without being a clod. 

How does someone bring that conversation up?

No, I didn't plan my outfit a week before club night

No, I didn't nitpick, finding every little thing to make it just right.

Because you looked at me, and my heart did backflips  
Somersaults, and cartwheels, and I'm not flexible enough for that shit.

You make me feel like the ocean in my head  
Is taking a vacation,  
And the waves cease their pounding against my skull  
In a moment of clarity, in the eye of the storm, I become what I desire most every day;  
I am happy.

 

Of course, I don't expect you to like me.  
My words catch in my throat, like flies in honey, buzzing so desperately to fly, to tell you my thoughts. 

You don't need this weight, too.  
I gripped my chest, and tried my best,  
But it matastasized and grew.  
That's not on you.

Rejection is cold, and I pull on my coat and bundle up, honey I've faced colder

I could be mad, But I am older  
And I know where I'm at.

Our lives aren't meant for that. Paths seperate, or lead away and I need to pull on my big girl knickers because "The world don't revolve around you, hun."

I know..It revolves around the sun. 

His gaze is the finger, on the trigger of a loaded gun, God Damn it, I can't run.

You're going away. I think about that, mostly today. (Ha, I say that as if I don't think of you often.) My walls had softened. The door opened and in it, I saw your smile;

Eyes so blue, I could go swimming for a while. 

 

I am so proud of you.  
furthering your education, and oh my God, it hurts but I want you to be happy. So..I will smile, even when you walk away.

I will miss you, though you won't be thinking about it. 

And that's okay.

I thought of you today.


	2. Birthday poem!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this for my Mom a little over a year ago! I love her so much 

Today is your birthday,   
Isn't that sweet?  
I guess you should relax  
And kick up your feet.

You're such a hard worker,  
You always stay late,  
You never back down  
Even when you have a full plate.

I just want to thank you  
For all your hard work  
I know in the mornings,  
Sometimes, I can be a jerk.

Your laugh is amazing,  
Contagious, and bold,  
And I know I'll remember it  
Even when I'm old!

Everybody loves you,  
That much I'm sure  
Your smile is gentle,  
And your heart is so pure.

You love the Lord  
With all your heart,  
And you're kind and gentle  
And pretty smart!

You've taught me so much  
With more in store,  
And with each day that passes,  
I love you more.

I love you so much,  
I swear, you're the bomb.  
And I'm eternally lucky  
That I get to call you Mom.


	3. Dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna put a warning here, this is pretty angry, gritty and honest. Really hard to post this, but I need to. Thank you lovelies for reading my works, nonetheless.

I don't want this. I believe I have made that crystal clear. 

Don't you think I've suffered enough? After all we've been through? All you did?

You had time to make me a priority. But that wasn't in your plans. You could choose them over me back then, why is it suddenly so hard to accept the Life you've carved for yourself?

 

You will never know the disgust I feel. You will never imagine how sick the sight of you makes me. I've had so many dreams and I hate everything you've made me remember. 

Blame this on her if you want to. Whatever helps you sleep at night. But I think it's time you stop lying to yourself. You've been horrible. There were good times, but..When it was bad, it was hell. I never want to feel so isolated and unsafe again. 

I never want to feel hated, unloved, unworthy. I was always trying to make you proud. The sting of your words has dulled but damn if it doesn't leave a phantom ache. I'm tired. I've had too much struggle too young, and I don't have the energy to expend on your irrational agenda.

 

Don't try to contact me again.


	6. Things I want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for a certain person, though they don't know it exists..Yet.

Pastel colors, cherry pop,  
Summer nights and cute tank tops,  
Scuba-diving, talking sass  
Movies, driving after class(?)

 

Skinny dipping (has that been done?)  
Uno, board games, old fashioned fun

Pumpkins, turkey, family day  
Painting, and sculpting with clay  
Homemade cookies, ginger snaps  
Polaroid pictures, look at that!

Football, and that silly smile  
Things I haven't seen awhile

 

Candy kisses, winter themes  
Stockings and your best pipedreams

Blankets, scarves, hats and gloves  
Chilly people full of love  
Trees with lights, midnight walks  
Snow and angels and deep talks

Cocoa, blankets by the fire  
No set time to retire

Rudolph, singing, holding hands  
Dreams of those soft, distant lands

Sweaters, gadgets, stickers too  
I would share it all with you

Karaoke, basketball  
(Just too drunk to drive at all)

Fairs and rides, lights and games  
When we win I'd shout your name!

Tell me yes, and I'll agree  
Or tell me no, and this stays with me.


	7. 12 AM thoughts 10.7.17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a lovestruck mess sometimes.

And in the quiet of the morning, when the shower creaking to life, steam billowing from my tired, scarred skin, my mind echoes of thoughts I've recycled dozens of times now. Is it weird? Is it crazy? Why am I stuck on repeat?

It's you. It's only you. It's conversations, it's your smile. It's the last time I saw you, saluting back at me and the way I started grinning stupidly. It's the glance over your shoulder when I thought you weren't looking, the last time I saw you. 

It's the fall of my heart since you've left, the menial bullshit of the day-to-day. It's "oh geez, this cute guy is flirting with me, but there's no way. Sorry dude. I'm not closing that door until I'm certain." It's being so goddamn lonely, sometimes. It's wanting to be at every one of your concerts, because wow, you're the bomb! It's learning more about music so I know something I didn't last time. It's Rick and Morty, which is my favorite thing now, and that's thanks to you!

It's...Waiting for you to come back. Hoping you're just as excited to see me, too.

And it's probably useless. Hope will stay lit like a firework, sparkling in my chest and hiding behind my eyes, but my instinct is to brace for 'the inevitable no'. I'm scared of that more than almost anything. I'm scared of the silence that follows that, stifling and regretful. 

And to be honest, I'd be happy just to be in your life. I know you're someone special, and I care about you as a person. So..Even if it is a no, that's okay with me. You wouldn't lose me as a friend. 

I just wish I knew.


	8. 2.3.18

And I let my words formulate  
And paint pictures with the ink spilling from my heart  
I let it slip into the world  
And I waited  
I wait  
And the very passion that drags my eyelids open to see a fresh dawn  
Rattles you  
And like a mist I can barely remember  
Throbbing in the back of my mind  
A bruise that was caused by my own callousness

There you go  
Dissapating  
After popping the kind pills  
I ponder moving on myself  
And I hope you're doing well


	9. 11.9.17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brave was a great movie, also loosely based on a story I wrote once about Harry Potter

Welcome to the witches' lair,  
With billowing smoke and fiery hair;  
Where eyes of amber, green and blue, are watching everything you do.  
Dazzling charms, dreams come true;  
Anything in her witches' brew.  
Shrouds of silver, clouds of lace;  
Tears are streaming down her face.  
Keep no stories  
Of what you've seen  
Where you've travelled  
Where you've been

You will linger in denial  
As you march along the miles  
Searching, seeking, everywhere  
For that girl with flaming hair  
For that Noble maiden fair  
For that secret, hidden lair


	10. Just say something

I packed away your present today.   
I would tell you all about it  
About when it shipped  
About the grin  
Stuck on my face  
Thinking of you opening it.

 

But you left me on read  
Not even that  
An unopened message

And I realized  
That waiting in silence  
Is like setting my tongue  
On fire  
And trying to keep my mouth shut  
As it burns. 

I just wanted to say  
That I really love your smile  
I had hoped I could hope  
To see it there again

You know I'm trying  
to learn to how to sing?  
I've learned so much  
I'm trying to show you  
I can soar with my own wings

I want to knock your socks off  
Not to seem obsessed  
I like your eyes and their color  
Not how you undress.

Look, I don't have a poker face  
It's clearer than glass  
I'm an open book,   
That's intentional,   
Honestly

Secrets don't hide here  
When it's real,   
No one wonders  
You know. And so do I  
In my stupid perfect world  
I just want to know  
if you meant it

 

But   
I packed your present away today  
It stared up at me for months.   
Little Christmas snowmen smiling  
And my hope has curled   
Into a tight ball  
Is it still there?  
Only when I remember

I'm trying to picture  
What you'd say  
You haven't said much  
Since I was high off my ass  
I said dumb stuff, I don't quite remember  
Also, I'm really sorry  
I suck at trivia

 

I mean when you watched me rip one  
I saw the look in your eye  
I was a goner,  
I wasn't choking  
because of the grass

 

I want to stop waiting  
And forge my own path  
I thought I'd write this  
And see if I'd ask  
My friends are telling me  
You're fucking other girls  
And that's cool, that's whatever  
Even though to me,  
You're the world  
I wish you could at least tell me  
A yes  
Or no  
And if it's the latter  
I promise to go

Just fucking say something

 

3.10.18


	11. Valentine's Day, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't sleep all night that night. One of two poems that expressed my anger, fear, and the abhorrent need for change.

Look at their faces,  
Remember their names.  
Realize this isn't  
Some fun VR game.  
Seats that lay empty  
Homes full of sorrow.  
No justice today, this week, next, nor tomorrow.  
We have to change it,  
This isn't what we promised.  
We can be better  
We can start by being honest.

You don't need an AK,  
To protect your family  
Blood is filling our streets  
Where is your empathy?

Bright minds of the future  
Children's lives ripped away---  
But when I look on the news  
They control what we say.

We can be the voice  
The first of many  
That stands for justice  
For our kids, or for any.   
They need support from us -  
The us that can see it,   
We're screaming out loud  
Don't you see we need it??

And despite all our differences   
We need to understand clearly now  
I really want to know what's stopping the folks  
Who say they support us, sit back, what a joke  
When will you step up?  
Stop fattening your pocket  
DT won't do shit  
It's time to step on it

From Sandy Hook, Orlando, now Florida, God  
I'm so sorry. You deserve better  
And I know my words are just   
Ink on a letter  
Or words on a screen  
Look, what does it mean  
When those kids won't grow up  
And the slate's just - wiped clean  
'Mental health' yeah, well guess what, Brenda  
I've got a head chock full of disorders  
And I can't get medicine w/o docs orders  
But that's expensive, $1,000 a bottle   
I'm not killing kids, I'm not molesting models  
If you cared about us, you'd start up the change  
I'm tired of hurting,   
Or being filled with rage  
In America, we're free, didn't you read the Constitution?   
Or for you, is that all  
A massive illusion?


	12. Valentine's Day, 2018, part 2

Corporate greed  
Isn't what we need  
Focusing on taxes  
Focusing on weed  
People are dying  
Children are crying  
Scarred for life  
No one cares what you're buying  
Do some good in the world  
Something that matters  
Because true love never comes  
Served on a silver platter  
Get him the hell out of office,  
For someone who cares  
How can you keep him in the white house  
How do you dare  
The men who funded this country  
They weren't perfect, not saints  
But I'll be God Damned if they   
Didn't have their priorities straight  
It's a mess  
And it's what matters  
Give up your Snapchat  
Twitter beef and that chatter  
Our country is dying  
Nothing is being done  
And the people who rise against it  
Can't be the only ones  
I know I'm not alone  
With my fear, pain and doubt  
So please, if you hear us,  
At least hear us out  
Close the door of hatred  
And see in a common view  
Where the world isn't separated  
We can start anew  
Just please do something  
Or something will be done  
I know I see it coming  
And I'm not the only one.


	13. Self-Love Is The First Step, A Poem

I was fat and then I was small,  
I loved myself so much  
Then I felt nothing at all  
Numb to my own harshness  
Then welling with sorrow  
The days passed me by  
That ever looming morrow.  
I was taught by someone else  
That I don't own myself  
I wonder about my mental health  
I watched others blessed with wealth  
Jealousy, and sloth encumber  
Keeping me in unsettled slumber  
The wall I built is suffocating me.

I slowly forget their words.   
The pain is masked, not yet forgotten  
Inside, my soul is burned.  
But life came for a visit today,  
Whispered in my ear   
'There's another way',  
Reminding me why giving up  
Was never my escape.

I press some flowers,   
And write in my book.  
I don't count calories,  
I soften my look.   
I take medication,  
That helps with the pain.  
I work towards progress  
Towards being whole again.

And time has passed by,  
Those people long gone,  
Their memory stings me, but  
I'll forget their sad song.

My Mother, she loves me  
And teaches me right  
She sits and she prays  
And helps me forget spite.  
This anger, it broils  
Bubbles up and froths  
But no one deserves it  
Maybe, except moths..  
So I let it slip  
Like sand through my hands  
I watch clouds rolling  
And dream of other lands  
I will be better  
I might not forget  
But I can live my life  
Without any regret.  
Not to judge  
Not to seem  
I can express feelings  
kindly despite him


	14. I loved her, but it wasn't enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm venting aesthetically

She says  
"I knocked you up"  
As if it was only ever a hook up  
And I forget  
About her sliding eyes  
These words sound like lies  
In her car and her home  
There was affection  
Without a direction it died  
But a hook up is cheap  
Empty liqour bottles  
And burned out cigarettes,  
That's all it is now  
And all it will be  
But for that moment  
When I sang a song  
And we were lost in a dream  
I felt loved


	15. To The First Girl I Loved, You Broke My Heart So Beautifully

Darling, I fall in love with you  
Like a greek tragedy,  
fast, and then slow, and then all at once  
And the fire in my soul burns the frost in your veins  
It is an oil paint of contrast, ringing the canvas  
It is messy, and beautiful  
Impossible to recreate  
Words pour from my mouth, staining my crooked teeth  
I drag charcoal over my skin  
And find the match in your fingers  
Burning for scant love  
In a night this cold, dark  
You were the gasoline  
And the quiet thought I didn't want sleep to whisp away  
For a while after, I was smoke  
Void and only existing between  
The lightning rattled my heart  
Though fractures cut into my palms  
Prying broken parts off the floor  
Takes time to find how it fits  
Back in place  
My mosaic glitters in a morning glow  
Now though the sun rises on my ashen bones  
I am bathed in the rainbow I created.


End file.
